There Is Freedom In Your Unmasking

Early on, life as a PK

Growing up in the church and being a P(Pastor's kid), I felt I had to be perfect because everything I did as an individual represented my father. No matter where I went within the Haitian community, I was the pastor’s Kid.

I carried myself differently when I went to school because those people didn’t know I was a PK. I called myself a Christian, but 50% of the time, I did not carry myself as one. I’ve dealt with people-pleasing syndrome (as I like to call it), perfectionism, control issues, trust issues, feeling alone (although I was friendly and had lots of friends), having a potty mouth, depression, lust, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and stress to the point where the mask-wearing became my identity.

Keeping up with the mask 

Back in 2012, I was in college and engaged to be married. I was in my last year of school and had a mental breakdown in the library. I remember being so hysterical, pacing the conference room and screaming so much that my friend had to come and hug me so I could calm down.

At a time when it should be one of the happiest seasons of my life, I was tired. I was over life and wanted to be off the planet. During that time, my relationship with God was barely hanging on. After I calmed down, I put my mask back on and acted as if that had never happened. I carried on with my life.

The unmasking

I was not dealing with my issues head-on. I got married, a broken girl still dealing with all the same problems because I always wore my “I’m fine, everything is ok” and “I’m the perfect child” mask. Those undealt issues led me to infidelity. After my husband found out years later, I had to do some soul-searching and learn who I was and what made me happy. That’s where I started to find and try to understand who I was as God’s child. As the years progressed, my relationship with Christ became a roller coaster. I improved on many things, but I could not find my happiness, joy, and sense of self.

Fast forward to the second low of my marriage, at the end of 2019 and beginning of 2020, I was dealing with depression again (meaning that I was far from God, this is just my observation from my life experience) and remember having a conversation with my husband telling him, I want to call it quits. I want to walk away from my marriage. He was devasted. I also told him that I needed to go to therapy because I did not know who I was, and I felt as if I was not living life for myself; I was living life for people.

Jesus + Therapy

In January 2020, my husband did everything to help me find a therapist and stated, "you might be giving up on our marriage, but I’m not giving up just yet.”

The 2020 pandemic was many things for many people, but for me, it was the year of rebirth. It was the year of surrendering to Christ. I rededicated my life to Christ in April 2020, and I haven’t looked back.

Rebirth

During that time, I understood 2 Corinthians 12:9 “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” I was shown grace from God and my husband. I also had to learn to be gracious with myself, which was and still is hard. I felt I did not deserve to be with my husband and was very ashamed. But as I continued to go to therapy and stay at God’s feet, I learned who I am and what God calls me. I learned to love myself more and that I am fully loved and fully seen by God. Now, I can truly boast in my weakness so that the power of Christ can work through me. 

I spent time with God just last year, and he revealed that I am not living to my full potential. I heard him speak to me and tell me that for me to fulfill his calling, I had to take off my mask. He told me that I was holding back and that my story mattered. I had to be raw, authentic, genuine, and honest and not be ashamed of my truth. He confirmed that to me time and time again. The last confirmation he gave me was in Romans 6:21-22 “And what was the result? You are now ashamed of the things you used to do, things that end in eternal doom. But now you are free from the power of sin and have become enslaved to God. Now you do these things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life” (New Living Translation).

 Message

I don’t know who this is for, but there is power in your unmasking. God is asking you to repent, repent, repent. God wants to heal you but you must share the real you. God wants the version of you that people don’t see. You know…

• the version of you when you go home, you’re dealing with your insecurities, and you’re picking up a bottle to forget about the real issues
• the version of you that hides behind your promiscuity and seeks validation from men
• the version of you that is an overachiever and seeks validation from the Joneses
• the version of you that bash your appearance because you were told you weren’t pretty enough or you did not fit a certain someone's criteria of acceptance or society.
• the version of you that bullies people because you’re dealing with your insecurities
• the version of you that hides behind humor to deflect attention from your real pain
• the version of you *insert problem here* that deals with all the baggage you keep bottled in somewhere.

God wants to carry it all. He calls you daughter. He calls you worthy. He says in John 3:16- 17, “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world to not judge the world, but to save the world through him.” 

God does not condemn you. Jesus does not judge you. Remember, this is the same Jesus that left the 99 to save you. You do not need to be ashamed of who you are or who you used to be, nor hide behind a mask. GOD GOT YOU. He is telling you, sweetie, it’s time to mask off and start living in my glory because that is when you will begin to enjoy my goodness.